As I have mentioned earlier, when I arrived on Sunday I was warmly greeted by Fr. Paisios (whom I now know to be a hierodeacon). He asked various questions with genuine interest about who I was and what I do. I am, it seems, an unusual person in that I'm a married priest and serve in a woman's monastery. This is not received as scandous or even unheard of, simply unusual, a curiosity of sorts.
In the course of our conversation, I uttered the words, "I just try to be obedient." I don't now even remember the context, but I do remember his reply, and the slight emphasis he employed: "yes, we *try* to be obedient." I couldn't tell if his emphasis was meant to inform me that "try" is a cop-out word: "don't try to be obedient; *be* obedient". You can imagine if the Scriptures' many commands to be obedient were reworded something like this, 'thus says the Lord, try to be obedient.'
On the other hand, it seemed just as likely that he meant it more humbly: we try, and we keep on trying even when we fail repeatedly. That is, we are learning to *be* obedient by our constant and continuous trying.
Well, maybe this sounds like I have over analyzed the matter, something of which I'm often justly accused. And yet while the exchange stood out in my mind, I did not offer it any additional time for reflection until the following morning.
After the morning service (about 7:10), when pilgrims are fed a light breakfast, Fr. Paisios came up to me and said, in his incessantly delightful soft voice: "now we have hesychia [stillness]; hesychia of body and soul. Then, at 8, return here and we will try to learn obedience."
Spoken with same gentle emphasis as the previous afternoon but this time with an instructive grin, he expressed so lovingly that he paid attention to my words, that he valued them, and that my day would be different than what I might have been imagining.
And so It was that I departed for my 45 minutes of hesychia of body and soul, anticipating like at child at Christmas what gifts awaited me.
And this is how it was that I came to place myself under obedience, in a way appropriate to a pilgrim, to the monastic community here--not by external force or compulsion, nor even by internal struggle or effort, but simply by enthused anticipation of loving attention. I am sure it is a taste of what St. John meant whe he expressed that the Lord's commands are not burdensome. And, indeed, they have not been.
